A M'sieur Houzeau

Mes préférences à moi, Monsieur,
Vont à Molière,
Aussi pardonnez-moi si je l’ai massacré
C’est que c’était trop drôle, aussi, que d’essayer
D’angliciser ces vers, de les faire obéir
Aux grand-mères d’ailleurs, aux vioques d’autrefois
Qui me font – honte à moi,
Aujourd’hui encore rire.
Femmes savantes donc, Messire d’Hondeghem…

PHILAMINTE

She has, unequalled insolence
After thirty lessons, insulted to my ear
By wildly misusing a simple basic term,
Though Vaugelas condemns.

CHRYSALE

Is that all ?

PHILAMINTE

What ? she keeps, although we disapprove
Hurting the mere structure of my beloved science,
Grammar, that can rule even kings,
That makes them bend their heads to its authority ?


CHRYSALE

I thought she was convicted of a crime.

PHILAMINTE

What ? And wouldn’t that be one ?

CHRYSALE

It is, undoubtedly.

PHILAMINTE

Would you be providing with some kind of excuse ?

CHRYSALE

I won’t.

BÉLISE

Good, it’s a pity, truly :
She wrecks the constructions
Though she’s been hundred times
Explained how it should be.

MARTINE

All the things you’re preaching is I think all the truth
But I wouldn’t manage to use of your jargon.

PHILAMINTE

The bitch, call jargon the language
All based on the reason, and beautiful usage !

MARTINE

Once one is understood, that’s he is speaking good
And your whole locutions is in no way yelping.

PHILAMINTE

Ho Lord, one of her own again !
Is in no way yelping !

BÉLISE

Ô you, unbending brain
Will you never ever, in spite of our pain
Learn the congruent words ?
Is in no way helping...
Stop going to the dogs !

MARTINE

Ho Lord, I’ve not studied, you has,
And I’m talking all straight, the way all people do.


PHILAMINTE

How can one bear ?

BÉLISE

Awful solecism !

PHILAMINTE

That's to kill a sensitive ear !

BÉLISE

Your spirit is really of a strange material
You, crappy head, is calling for a have,
will you spend your all life slaughtering the grammar ?

MARTINE

Hey, who wants to slaughter gran-ma or gran-father ?

PHILAMINTE

Ô Lord !

BÉLISE

Grammar, you weaky head
I’ve already told you where the word’s coming from.


MARTINE

All the way
Come it from where it wants
Even a one-horse town
I do not care about.

BÉLISE

What a villager soul !
Grammar tells us the laws that are ruling
The verbs and the nominatives
As well as adjectives, and even substantives.

MARTINE

Let me tell you Madam,
I don’t know those people.

PHILAMINTE

What a martyr !

BÉLISE

They are the names of words, and it is to be checked
The way they have to match.

MARTINE

Match or snatch, do I care ?

(Hé, sérieux, je m'avions bien marrée)